Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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