Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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