cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
