Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
