Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
