I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
