Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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