Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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