last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
