yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
