im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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