Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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