I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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