What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
