So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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