She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
