Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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