Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
