Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
