His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
