I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
