It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
