I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
