I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
