I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
