just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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