i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
