I want to have your abortion
I am spending my child support on dildos
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
