I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
