I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
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