now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
