hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
