Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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