Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she told me i tasted like america
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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