im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
