woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
