Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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