So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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