she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
