who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
