Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
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