i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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