That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Help. Why am I so naked?
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