I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
