There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
