Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
