somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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