he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
