i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
