Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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