I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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