just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
