remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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